The More I hear about this
the more I feel like relationships are dumb. Can I please just stay selfishly single forever?
I’m pretty sure that’s not how God intended it to be though, how the hell did society decline like this?
And Heaven knows, Heaven knows
I try to find the cure for pain
Oh my Lord, to suffer like You do
It would be a lie to runaway
-The Cure for Pain
Jon Foreman
Jean-Paul Belmondo and Jean Seberg: À bout de souffle (1960, Jean-Luc Godard).
This movie!!! : )
i almost cut a pixie cut today….
Confession #4
sometimes I look at my life and all I can think is, “You’re pathetic.”
Experience insomnia for the first time in a long time, so I decided to watch the finale of Grey’s Anatomy.
Worst decision ever, what the hell is wrong with the writers? They should not be allowed to write storylines like that
Last night I went with my mom to the movies to see “Warriors of the Rainbow: Seediq Bale”. It was an epic look back at the aboriginal Taiwanese tribes and their conflicts with Japanese colonization in the 30s. It was a fairly visceral and brutal film, but ridiculously well done. I am sure that the emotional and philosophical ideas presented are easily reflected by other nations. So after hearing my mom talk up the film so much, I read into the film a little more and I realize it’s probably the “one that got away”. It was a contender for an Academy nomination for Best Foreign Language Film, but it didn’t make the eventual list. One of the more profound things that the director stated about the movie was about how he tried to approach it from a bigger angle, via the different people’s faiths, that as “a people who’s faith is in the rainbow (the Seediq Bales) and a people who’s faith is in the sun (Japanese) battle with each other, they lose sight of the fact that their faiths coexist in the same sky above.”
Pretty ridiculous film.
Resolution
There is a line in Coldplay’s Charlie Brown that goes, “…when they smashed my heart into smithereens…” That’s pretty much how I feel every waking day this year.
Before the start of this new year, when I was sitting in my room making that new list of 25 resolutions I do every year, the last item reads, “This year, you’re going to find a new way to be broken again.” At the time, I felt like I had come to a stagnant place with my faith, and the only way I knew I could experience much growth again was if I experience some sort of brokenness. So for whatever reason, my masochistic nature decided that it would be best (and smart) if I experience a revolutionary brokenness in order to experience revolutionary growth.
Well, God answers prayers, and in this case, painfully so. I have no one to blame but myself, because I pretty much have it in writing, that I was seeking for some sort of brokenness. I just never expected it to come from family related matters. Without disclosing what the matters were, God found my most fragile points and basically annihilated me with his finger. Literally beginning from the start of this new year, I have found myself time and time again at positions where I am at an utter loss for words because of how much hurt and pain I felt. In a way, I sincerely appreciate this chance for growth, because it has challenged me like never before, and through it, I have grown closer in my relationship with close friends. But just because this is a beautiful thing, doesn’t mean that it doesn’t cause pain. I have always believed that you find beauty in the broken. Well, I am still able to find glorious and wonderful things about my day to day life, but when the heartache outweighs the blessings (which probably isn’t true, but it sure feels that way), I am left with only one question that no one has been able to answer thus far:
How did I get here?
Mom:
“Sam, you might need to lose some weight; stop exercising, you’re too muscular”
uhh….¿QUÉ?
So apparently…
I am the worst critic of my own works, especially with videos, which is quite ironic considering it’s what I’m coming to school for.
So for my CP1 final film, I practically stole the script from an article my brother’s friend wrote years ago and just filmed images to those words.
And now my professor is nominating it for the “Best of Parks” screening.
Thank goodness I’ll be gone by tomorrow and won’t be in the audience when they screen that down at Cinemapolis (WHAT?!)
